She got it right again!

I love you, PJ Diaries!

Come visit! Bring wine...

Well, Mike leaves for his golf retreat today... For the next 4 days, I'll be doing the parent thing all alone!  I have big plans to get things done around the house.  I have a birthday cake to make for my cousin's daughter's birthday party.  I would like to get some work done outside.  I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to do all of this without any whining, crying, fighting, or pouting from my two sidekicks!  Is it gonna happen?  Doubt it.  But, I'm going to try my best and hopefully still have a shred of sanity come Sunday evening when he returns :-)

My "Mike's on vacay and I'm insanely jealous so I have to keep myself busy for every single second" To-Do List:

1. Get my summer clothes into my closet and the winter clothes out.
2. Put the girls' winter clothes up in the attic.
3. Re-arrange Jaden's bedroom.
4. Start and finish the craft project I have been dying to do for like, FOREVER!
5. Dig up the garden.
6. Finish editing wedding pics.
7. Bake Raegan's birthday cake.
8. Start the entryway re-do.
9. Feed the cat (I know I'll forget to do this).
10. Breathe.

Jaden recently made charts for herself and her sister.  The chart looks like a giant staircase that takes up a whole piece of paper.  They live on the fridge and when the girls do something that I feel is chart-worthy, they get to move a little magnet up a step.  If they crywhinepoutfight, they move down a step.  When Taylor gets to the top, she wants to get a new baby that licks an ice cream cone.  When Jaden gets to the top of her steps, she wants to get a new bike.  It's been working wonderfully the past couple of days! "Stop fighting or you'll move down a step!"  Genius.  My goal for the next four days is to have the girls actually be on a higher step than they were when Mike left.  High goals, I tell ya!

Advice?  Suggestions?  My girls are wonderful, but there are two of them, and only one of me! :-)

Straight from the Parenting Manual

I've been a mom for six years; a mom to two for 3½ of those years.  I've just realized that I've been going at it all wrong.

I don't know about that... I'm afraid Taylor would bully Jaden too much...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Why I don't deserve Sunday...

I feel horrible today.  I feel ashamed of myself.

We've had some very trying times lately. I'm sure other moms can relate... The crying, the whining, the fighting, the pouting... It is HARD stuff being a parent!  I try as hard as I possibly can to be a good mother to my girls.  I try to listen to them, I try to reason with them.  When that doesn't work, I try to fairly discipline.  I really try.  I try to be present, fair, fun, and comforting.  I TRY.

We all have our breaking point.  You know, that very second where you absolutely can't take ONE. MORE. THING.  I broke.  I said something that shouldn't have been said.  I hurt feelings. I failed.

Last night was horrible.  Taylor is a very tricky little thing when it comes to bedtime.  If she is in bed too early, she can't fall asleep, gets mad and throws a fit.  If she goes to bed too late, she is overly tired and super fussy. She cries, throws a fit, and is just stand-off-ish.  Between 7:30 and 8:00 is her golden time.  As long as she's in bed sometime within that half-hour, we are pretty good!  Last night was the overly tired scenario.  It was almost 8:30 and she had already started crying.  She cried because she wanted to get rid of a doll.  She cried because I wouldn't let her get rid of said doll.  She cried because I asked her to be quiet so I could hear Jaden's story.  She cried because her cookie broke.  She cried because she had to go upstairs.  She cried, as Jaden would tell you, "Because the sky is blue."  At bedtime, she just refused to lay down and go to bed.  She would scream if I left the room, but wouldn't listen to me when I stayed.  We can't just let her cry because Jaden is also in bed.  Jaden goes to bed great!  She has school in the morning.  It is not fair to her to be kept up late because her sister is crying.  I stayed in her room until at least 9:30.  Mike came up and took over.  He didn't come down until almost 10:00.  She was out and we were both on edge and exhausted.  It's the dumbest thing.  I hate going through this.

Taylor woke up on her own this morning.  She was walking a really fine line between good mood and bad.  She tipped to the good side and was laughing and playing around.  It was refreshing after the night we had.  Then, she fell into the bad mood side.  She had come downstairs for breakfast. Jaden got to the table before she did and sat in my chair.  Normally, Taylor sits in my chair and Jaden sits in her own.  Not for any reason, just because.  Breakfast is typically a free-for-all when it comes to seats.  But today, it made Taylor mad.  She would not get in her seat and eat her strawberries.  I warned her that we were leaving soon. I knew that when it was time to go, if she still had strawberries left, we'd have WWIII on our hands.  When she finally did get into her seat, she didn't think she had enough strawberries.  It was just one thing after another.  I was already at the end of my rope.  I just walked away, sighing and said to myself, "I'm so tired of being your mom."  I did not mean for it to be heard.  I did not mean what I said.  When I came back into the kitchen, the look on Jaden's face broke my heart.  Her eyes were glassed over and when she found her words, her voice cracked, "You don't want to be our mommy anymore?"  Oh boy.  I hugged her so hard and reassured her that, of course I want to be their mommy!  I told her that sometimes it just gets hard and that mommies need breaks sometimes.  I felt like the worst mom in the world.  I have been banned from the basement all week as the girls get their Mother's Day surprises ready.  How could those words have come out of my mouth?  Why did I say that?  Being their mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me!  Jaden was totally fine by the time we left, but I still felt like crap.  This mom doesn't deserve anything this Sunday.  This mom failed.  UPDATE: I had a wonderful Mother's Day :-) Pity party is over!

Last Night

I was told to try an even earlier bedtime.

6:00 p.m.  Dinner

7:00 p.m.  Head upstairs for baths

7:30 p.m.  In bed

7:40 p.m.  I check on Taylor and she tells be that she wants more time to read to Maxine.

7:50 p.m.  Taylor comes downstairs and hands me a pair of feather earrings.
Taylor: Mom, I got these for you! They are so soft!
Me: Taylor, did you go in my room?
T: *rolls eyes* Well, they weren't in MY room and they weren't in SISSY'S room... I got them from your room.  Sissy helped me.
Then, she went back up to bed by herself.

8:05 p.m.  We hear talking but assume it is the girls "silently" reading to their "friends."

8:10 p.m.  Jaden calls us upstairs because Taylor won't stay out of her room.

8:15 p.m.  Taylor has to go potty for the 150,346,257th time.

8:25 p.m.  Taylor is refusing to get into bed.

8:30 p.m.  Taylor gives in and lays down with her eyes closed as long as I hold her hand.  I hold it for about 2 seconds and then hand the job off to Maxine.

8:40 p.m.  Getting frustrated with my child for not wanting to go to bed.

8:50 p.m.  She's snoring.

10:00 p.m.  I go to bed.

5:15 a.m.  My alarm goes off.  I jump up and look to the floor.  Taylor is not there!  I go to her room and she is still fast asleep!

HALLELUJAH!!!

Taylor is spending the night with Gramma J tonight.  Yeah, she's taking one for the team.

Armageddon is close...

I'm done, you guys.  I'm giving up.  I don't know what else I can do in these TRYING TIMES!  I can NOT handle any more.  I'm serious.

I'm been slacking on blogging a bit and that is because on top of getting things ready for the Home & Garden Show, and wrapping up a few photo shoots, I am running on no sleep.  Last week (or was it the week before?), I begged for your help with my WONDERFUL three-year-old and her not-so-wonderful bedtime routine.  You guys were awesome!  I ordered the book that was recommended and tried a new approach to bedtime.  We've decided that at bedtime, Taylor is having separation anxiety.  Apparently this is very common with kids her age.  I've solved the problem by tucking her into bed, showing her where five minutes is on the clock and promising to come check on her, and then after five minutes has passed, I go to her room and sit on her floor to read my book.  Taylor knows that I will be back.  She knows that I will stay with her until she falls asleep (usually takes 5-10 minutes).  Our one rule is, she must lay down with her eyes closed or I will leave the room.  It has been working without a fault!  Yes, it may be what some would call a "bad habit" when it comes to bedtime, but I don't care.  If she needs someone in there with her, I'm all for it.  Five to ten minutes sitting on her floor, reading quietly to myself, is much more enjoyable that an hour of yelling and fighting.  I win.

There is one problem.  Taylor wakes up in the night, too.  She has been waking up and calling for me every night, usually around 2-3 a.m.  A couple of times, I've sat on her floor for a few minutes until she fell back asleep.  Some times were longer than others.  She would have a hard time falling asleep, so I would grab a pillow and blanket, and camp out in her room.  When she was softly snoring, I headed back to my bed for another hour or two of sleep.  A couple of times, I had her come to my room and sleep on the floor.  Whatever it took to get bot of us back to sleep as quickly as possible.  It sucks, I'm not gonna lie.  I have had enough of the broken nights.

BUT, waking up in the night and then going right back to sleep is WAY better than the situation we had last night.  Taylor woke up at 3 a.m.  I did as I usually do; went into her room and tried to get her to lay down.  I offered to sit on her floor... NOPE.  She would rather pout.  No big deal, right?  WRONG.  In Taylor, pouting is only a lead into a full-blown tantrum.  So I stood there.  Wait for it... wait for it... WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  There it is!  I held her and calmed her down, trying to get to the root of the problem.  Last night, it was "wonky socks."  One little twisted sock totally wrecked her universe.  I tried to fix said sock.  No go.  I tried convincing her to take the blasted sock off.  Nope.  Change socks?  Ain't happening.  After an hour, she ended up coming into our room to sleep on the floor... and toss and turn for the rest of the night because of that stupid sock... or whatever reason.  It sucked.  I'm tired.

Tantrums are the worst.  People talk about tantrums and other people are like, "yeah, that must be inconvenient."  Or, "why don't you just give her a little spanking?"  Or, "Just give her what she wants, she'll stop."  Easier said than done, people.  Taylor's tantrums have the touchiest little trigger.  ANYTHING can set her off.  There is NO off switch.  She may start a tantrum because of a wonky sock, but fixing the dumb sock will NOT end the tantrum.  Nothing... not spanking, giving in, ignoring, NOTHING stops a tantrum.

Last week, Mike's mom picked Taylor up from daycare.  For one reason or another, Taylor started in.  Karen had heard us complaining about the tantrums, but had yet to experience one.  Sure, she had seen Taylor drop to the floor and pout, but she was finally able to get the full experience.  I went to pick both girls up at Karen's house that evening after work.  I walk in and BAM.  WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  She was writhing on the floor, kicking and screaming.  From what I could get out of her, it had something to do with fishy crackers.  I had to fight to get her coat on, only to have her throw it off.  I had to fight to get her shoes on, only to have her kick them off.  I finally decided to just put her in the car sans coat and shoes.  We only live down the street from Karen's house.  It's seriously a 30-second drive.  I did my best to strap Taylor into her seat while she did her best to fight me, arching her back and kicking her legs.  In that 30-second drive, Taylor managed to slide her way out of her seat belt and climb into the front seat.  When we got out of the car, she was arching her back and sliding out of my arms, still screaming. It was NOT fun.

This has been happening daily.  Not always to that extent, but still happening.  You all helped me with my bedtime problems so I am counting on your advice with the tantrums.  I know it is just her age and that everyone goes through it.  But help me cope with getting through it because it is seriously breaking me.  I'm frustrated.  I'm tired.  I'm just done.  Help.

This Mama needs some HELP!

The number one most misunderstood thing when it comes to parenting is the Terrible Twos.  The number one most misunderstood thing when it comes to 3-year-olds is bedtime.

You see, when Mike and I were new parents, we heard talk of the Terrible Twos phase.  You know, when your child turns two years old, she would throw temper tantrums and even though it wouldn't necessarily be ok, we would deal with it because, well, it was to be expected!  Then when your child turns three years old, she would magically go back to being that angel that she was before the T2 phase!  You know what I'm talking about, right?  Well my friends, I'm here to tell you that it is all a big LIE!

The Truth About the Terrible Twos

1. The T2 phase STARTS at age two-ish and lasts for at least two years.
2. You will look back on those newborn nights when your baby cried for a bottle and then went right back to sleep and think, "It really wasn't that bad!"
3. The child will NOT win the battle.
4. The parent will NOT win the battle.
5. Threats don't work.
6. Rewards don't work.
7. Punishments don't work.
8. It is a battle... With no clear ending in sight.
9. It will stop as suddenly as it started.

We are right in the middle of the T2 phase with Miss Taylor Max.  She is stubborn, she pouts, she whines, she cries, she throws herself on the ground, she screams.  The only thing is, she only does this at bedtime!  For some reason unknown to all other humans, she hates bedtime.  Apparently she believes that bedtime is just a myth and it is something that she doesn't believe in.  She also must think that her family is pretty dumb to believe in the concept of bedtime, because she doesn't like to let anyone else in the house get a full, restful night of sleep!  

When we talk about this with other people, the first thing we are asked is, "What time does she go to bed?"  Bedtime is 7:30.  Yes, it is early, but when you are a kid and need to wake up at 6:00 in the morning, 7:30 really isn't that bad.  Actually, 7:30 is her sweet spot.  Any earlier and she isn't quite tired enough and throws a fit because she isn't tired.  Any later and she is overly tired and throws a fit... for no reason except that she is tired.  We have the best chance of going to bed good if she is in bed at exactly 7:30.  On occasion, Jaden gets to stay up until 8:00.  Mostly to let Taylor cry it out for a half-hour or so, but also because she is past the T2 phase and "gets it."  We've tried rewarding Taylor with staying up a little later and it backfires almost every single time.

Mike and I have tried it all.  We have rewarded going to bed good.  We have taken away her Dora movies, her Maxine, her blankie, her stuffed animal... it does NOT work.  We have tried letting her cry.  We have tried closing her door.  We have tried reasoning with her.  It doesn't matter.  We have asked our parents, friends with kids, and even doctors for advice.  The answer always comes down to, "It is a phase and she will grow out of it."  We know this, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Jaden went through the same thing when she was 2½-3.  She cried and screamed at bedtime.  I remember it so well because Taylor was a newborn.  Between the two of them, Mike and I were getting no sleep at all.  I also know that Jaden grew out of it eventually.  

So, Mike and I are basically at the end of our rope.  We are about to lose it.  It is the most frustrating thing in the world.  I know that it probably seems like I am making mountains out of molehills, but I'm not.  It is hard to handle.  It is hard to know what is the right thing to do.  Right now, it basically boils down to the fact that she doesn't want to be left alone.  She wants either Mike or myself to stay in her room until she falls asleep.  I don't mind doing that every so often, but I'm scared that it will develop into a habit that will cause more problems down the road.  A few times this week, I have sat on her floor next to her bed and let her hold onto my finger.  She falls asleep almost instantly.  When she is snoring, I replace my finger with Maxine's (her favorite doll) arm.  It works, but I'm afraid it is only making the whole problem worse, because eventually we will have to not do that.  Then what?

I know that every kid goes through this.  I know that we will all survive.  I also know that she was pouting and throwing a fit off and on from 11:30-2:30.  We got less than three hours of sleep last night.  Tell me what to do next because I feel like it's time to call Supernanny!

PTA Mom

Last night, kindergarten registration lead to an emotional realization...

Five Things I Have Learned

1. No matter the situation, I will always have at least one person tell me I was wrong or that I have done it the wrong way.  No matter what, my good intentions will always be perceived as selfish to at least one person. I'm ok with that. If someone else has the time and energy to put into critiquing my every move, I feel sorry for them. Get your own life.
2. Hugs can stop temper tantrums 90% of the time. Taylor is smack dab in the middle of the terrible twos and has recently become an expert tantrum thrower. I get down to her level, speak in a soft voice, and hold my arms out. Most of the time she crawls right onto my lap and cuddles the bad stuff away. The times it doesn't work, I just walk away. She comes around eventually. Love her!
3. I will never have had enough sleep. I need to just get used to being tired all the time. It doesn't matter if I go to bed at 9:00 or midnight. I'll still be dragging when my alarm goes off at 5 in the morning.
4. Starbucks espresso HATES me. One heavenly sip is like swallowing 500 tiny daggers. My stomach turns into a solid, heavy bowling ball. I have switched from my non-fat no-whip mocha and my iced non-fat raspberry latte to an equally delicious yet safer iced coffee caramel non-fat. We get along MUCH better!
5. I have some pretty wonderful friends. It's nice to know that I have people that I can count on. I've wasted too much time and energy on high-maintenance friendships. If I have to work to be your friend, it's just not worth it. Don't get me wrong, if those people need me, I will be there because that is the type of person I am. BUT, if I am in need of someone, they will not be my go-to. I've been disappointed far too much.

Celebrating Mom: Meet Shawni

I'm celebrating Mother's Day all week by dedicating my blog to some extraordinary moms in the blog world!  So far, you have met Tia and her daughter Ellie, and Amanda and her daughter Rosie, Lora and her four children, and Abbey and her two kids.


I am finishing off the week with a mother that truly is an inspiration to not only me, but many, many others throughout the country!  Meet Shawni and her five incredible children.

Shawni and her husband, Dave, are the parents of Max (14), Elle (13), Grace (10), Claire (8), and Lucy (5).  Their youngest daughter was diagnosed with "Bardet-Biedl," a rare genetic syndrome that has caused many health issues, including and most recently, vision deterioration leading to blindness.

I want to know a little about your background.  Tell me how your mother influenced you.  What did she teach you that you hope to pass on to Max, Elle, Grace, Claire, and Lucy?  
My mother influenced me in every way imaginable.  From her love of babies and newborns to her adoration of the arts and music, and how she put motherhood on a pedestal.  But the most important thing she taught me is to always dwell on the good parts of people, to always put others first and to love others as God would.  She is an amazing role model and I strive to be more like her every day so I can pass on some of her amazing attributes to my own children. 

When you think of a beautiful woman, what images come to mind?  Have any of your daughters had any issues with self-confidence yet?  If so, how did you address them?  Do they ever talk about skinny/fat people?  Pretty/ugly people?  How do you react?  What sort of things do you tell them to help give them a positive self image? 
Our girls are all pretty confident so far, but they are still young.  How I hope I can shelter them from the onslaught of media images and worldly views of how women "should" look/be/act, etc.  I want so much for my girls to have confidence in their own uniqueness.  We strive really hard to help them figure out their talents and push them to be the best they can in their OWN way.  One way we do this while they are young is here: www.71toes.com/2010/04/talents.html.  

Since we have a range of "sizes" within our family (I worry so much about the heartache Lucy's weight in conjunction with her syndrome could cause), my husband and I try to concentrate on positive comments about how the kids think, and how compassionate they are rather than dwelling on looks.  I think that is so important!  It's what's on the inside that counts.  And we emphasize that on a daily basis.

As far as Max goes, what sort of thing do you and Dave teach him about the image of women?  Being a teenager, do you ever hear him or his friends talk about "cute girls"?  He seems like such a respectful young man. 
We have had numerous talks with Max about girls because he's so at that age right now where it's easy to give the "cutest" girls the attention.  We mostly talk about how every girl should be treated with respect and that the nicest girls are not directly correlated with who is the best looking.  I don't know how much of what we say is internalized because as a teenager his brain is wrapped up in a lot of other things right now, but hopefully most of it will sink in.  Because Max has so many sisters with different personalities hopefully they will prepare him to treat all women with the utmost respect.

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Shawni blogs at 71 Toes.  Such an inspiration.  Thank you, Shawni!


To learn more about Lucy's story, visit The I Love Lucy Project.

Celebrating Mom: Meet Abbey

I'm celebrating Mother's Day all week by dedicating my blog to some extraordinary moms in the blog world!  So far, you have met Tia and her daughter Ellie, Amanda and her daughter Rosie, and Lora and her four children.  Today, I want to introduce you to domestic goddess and mommy extraordinaire, Abbey, and her kids, whom she refers to as "Sunbean" and "Little Dude."  So cute, right?

Tell my readers a little about yourself.
My name is Abbey, and I'm the momma of two cuties:  E, who is 3, and H, who will be 1 at the end of the month.  I get to stay at home with my kiddos, and we fill our days with lots of playing, a little Wonder Pets, and the occasional temper tantrum.  In those golden moments where E and H are both snoozing, I love to sew and craft.

I want to know a little about your background.  Tell me how your mother influenced you.  What did she teach you that you hope to pass on to your children?  
I'm an only child, and grew up in the midwest.  If I had to describe my parents' role in my childhood, I would say that they were very involved.  They never missed a field trip, play, assembly, or game.  They knew my friends, and knew where I was at all times.  I didn't always appreciate this growing up, but now I do!  The best thing about my parents is that they are still involved.  They care about what my husband and I are interested in, and they love to spend time with their grandchildren.  We recently moved a few hours away, and they've been willing to travel to visit us often.  My parents understand the importance of spending time with those they love:  both quality and quantity.

In what ways do you help your children develop positive self-esteem?
One of my top priorities as a parent is raising children with a strong sense of self and a high self-esteem.  In today's world, that's a pretty tall order.  My husband and I try our best to always give our children specific compliments.  For example, instead of 'you did a great job', we'll say 'i love the way you rode the bike!', or 'wow!  you cut the paper all by yourself!'.  Our hope is that our kiddos grow up hearing about the skill set they have, rather than hearing that they are 'good'.

We also try to give specific compliments regarding appearance.  We certainly tell our children how beautiful they are every single day, but we also say things like 'i love your eyes' and 'your little toes are so cute'.  I want my children to be able to stand tall and feel confident in who they are, and I firmly believe that begins with the relationship they have with us, their parents.

Your daughter is still very young. What sort of things do you show or tell her to help give her a positive self image? 
Having a daughter, I pray daily that she will spend her life with men {father, grandfathers, brothers, friends, boyfriends, and eventually a husband} that love and respect her.  I want every man in her life to validate her beauty and worth.  She is a daughter of God, and has eternal worth.  My hope is that she only allows men in her life who respect her as such.  My husband will be the best example of this, and will hopefully leave an impression on her as she grows.

In regards to your son, what sort of things do you and your husband hope he learns about how to treat girls?  
It's my job to make sure he leaves my house treating the women in his life properly.  I have the giant responsibility of teaching him to be a loving husband and father.  I think it starts with a healthy self-esteem and self-worth.  It starts with family dinners eaten together, and silly games before bed.  It starts with open conversation and even discipline.

This all sounds like a big responsibility, but the good news is that these babies only grow older a day at a time.  We have years to teach our children how to make good decisions.  We have years to make memories with our families that will stay with our children for years to come.  Those years certainly fly by, but it is the little moments that shape who our children become.

So today?  Today, get down on the floor with your kids for a few minutes.  Give them a specific compliment and a kiss.  Ask them to help you with dinner.  Be present and available.  None of us get it right every day, but even a little goes a long with our our kids.

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Abbey blogs at The Naptime Report.  Head on over and show her some love!  Thanks, Abbey!

Celebrating Mom: Meet Lora

I'm celebrating Mother's Day all week by dedicating my blog to some extraordinary moms in the blog world!  So far, you have met Tia and her daughter Ellie, and Amanda and her daughter Rosie.  Today we are traveling north to meet a mother of four! Meet Lora and her kiddos.

Can you introduce yourself to my readers?  
Hi I’m Lora, I am 39 years young.  I have been married to my sweetheart for 15 years. Together we have 4 beautiful children – Josie (10), Jarod (7), Jack (4) and Jason (7 1/2 months).   I really enjoy being their mom, it’s an honour to be a part of their lives, watching them grow and mature each day.  My children are blessed to part of a family that treats women with respect – no matter how they joined the family (marriage, birth, or adoption). 

Tell me a little about your mother. How did she influence you?  What did you learn from your mother that you hope to teach your children?  
I know how important words are, how important it is to encourage a child when they are young.   My mom didn’t get the love and encouragement she needed as a child and as a result she still doesn’t see the good in her.  She is a beautiful person but doesn’t realize it.  I want all my children to realize that they are loved, wanted and a blessing to our family.  I want them to know that they are smart, beautiful and loving people. 
  

I'm sure Josie is getting to the age where she is beginning to notice herself and other people, and how words or actions can hurt.  Tell me about her.  

Josie and her friends have started to notice boys; the boys in their classes have also started to notice girls.  It’s amazing how a careless word or action can hurt so much.  One of the boys that Josie liked told her that he thinks she is ugly.  One of the boys on her school bus read her journal, out loud, to the back of the bus.  These actions hurt Josie but we worked through them.  I told her that boys at this age can be mean to be mean or sometimes they can be mean just to bug her.   I also told her that sometimes if a person hurts others because they are hurting inside.  Her dad told her that friends already knew her secrets and were still her friends.  It was really hard for me to send her back on the bus, not knowing what she was going to face.   By the time the weekend was over and she was back on the bus, the whole thing was in the past. 

Does Josie ever talk about pretty vs. ugly; fat vs. skinny?  How do you address issues when it comes to that?

I asked Josie if she thought she was pretty –she said yes.  She likes her hair and her eyes.  She knows that she is skinny, always has been but is not focused on her weight. She is too busy having fun.  I like the fact she is herself – she is silly, dramatic and a creative dresser.

What about your boys?  I know they are still young, but do they ever comment on what they think is pretty?

My boys have not noticed girls; they are too busy with Lego, Star Wars and in Jason’s case, learning how to crawl. I will in time, remind Josie and her brothers that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

What are your goals as a mom?  What do you hope your kids learn about confidence and self-appreciation?  

My goal/desire for them is to have self confidence, to like themselves, to feel pretty/handsome and to feel special.   I want to realize that they may not be the best at everything but God has a plan for their lives and if they trust him he will fulfill it.  I want all my children to realize that they are special, beautiful and smart. They may not be the best at everything but they can do their best.  I want them to realize that happiness is a choice – nothing or no one can make them happy.  It’s up to them be happy whether life is good or not.  I want them to continue to be nice and kind to others, to be friendly to everyone.   I want to know that they are loved and accepted by their dad and me.

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Lora blogs at It's Always An Adventure.  Thanks, Lora!

Celebrating Mom: Meet Amanda

I'm celebrating Mother's Day all week by dedicating my blog to some extraordinary moms in the blog world!  Yesterday, you met Tia and her daughter Ellie.  Today, I want to introduce you to a very good friend of mine not only online, but in real life, too.  Meet Amanda and Rosie!

Tell my readers a little about yourself. I'm a 30 (jeesh, when did THAT happen?!?) year old stay-at-home mom/full-time nursing student. My amazing hubby and I have been married 6 years and are the parents to one super-wonderful 19 month old - Rosalie Pearl. We live in Nashville with our crazy cat Olive and a gimpy goldfish named Mr. Bates.

I want to know about your background.  How did your mother influence you?  What did she teach you that you hope to pass on to Rosie? Eh, my childhood was difficult. I didn't have it the worst, but did have to deal with verbal/emotional abuse and alcoholic family members. My parents were sort of different. We moved alot (just for the heck of it, not for any real reason) and so I ended up going to numerous schools and living in numerous states which was so hard. My mother was a hippy at heart. Like the milk our own goats, make our own fruit roll-ups, store enough canned goods to get us through the apocalypse sort of lady. I hated it. All I wanted to do was fit in and here was my mom buying our clothes at Walmart and selling pies out of our house. I don't think it's really been until recently that she and I have become so close. My dad died in 2009 and I had Rosie in 2010. Now that I'm a mom I see all the ways she was an amazing mother. It was all in her own way but I didn't appreciate it until I was a mommy myself. She's taught me how to be frugal, to grow gardens and can food and how to stretch a dollar farther than you think possible. As a family living on one income this has been invaluable. She's also been one of my biggest cheerleaders as I go back to school. What I want to pass on to Rosie is that it's quite alright to march to your own beat. My momma was always herself and though I didn't appreciate it then, I see now what a huge impact that had on me. I want Rosalie to be happy in her own skin and to chase after what she loves. 

Seeing that Rosie is still so young, how do you plan to show her, or to teach her what true beauty is? Oh heaven's ... what a question! How do I plan to teach my daughter what true beauty is? As cheesy as it sounds, there's a little line from a Dr. Suess book that says, "a person's a person no matter how small." and that silly little bit of wisdom has always stuck with me. my story isn't a new one - i was bullied, i had a difficult home-life... i could go on about how unhappy alot of things were for me. but, what good does that do? i think stories and experience are very important and i will share them with my daughter, but from them I want to teach her about love and compassion. That every single person is a person. Treat everyone with kindness - even if you don't see eye to eye, even if you bug the crud out of each other, even if you have nothing in common, even if they look different or sound different - a little kindness goes a very long way. And as the momma of a little lady, teaching her true beauty - what a daunting task. Can I just say I'll keep her in a bubble, away from tv, malls and boys??? no? that doesn't work? 

What role do you foresee your husband taking in helping to teach Rosie about self-confidence?  I'm lucky to be part of a great momma/daddy combo and i think my hubby will take a huge roll in teaching Rosie true beauty. A positive father/daughter relationship is vital for giving her a solid foundation of who she is and why she's truly beautiful. 

How do you plan to teach Rosie about seeing more to a person that what is on the outside?I'll let her know she is beautiful for all the things she is. Not just her pretty, sweet, wonderful little face - but her laugh, her humor, her amazing little personality. I want to tell her every.single.day that I love her - for ALL that she is, no matter what. I know alot of it probably won't stick and when she's about 13 she'll probably think I'm the dumbest person on the planet, but this isn't going to stop me. I love you my sweet Rosalie - I'll tell you that every day! The moment I became a mommy I understood - having a baby truly changes everything. If I can show to her that I love her and think she's perfect and really mean it, then maybe some of that will stick in her sweet little brain?


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Amanda blogs at Babbling Brooke. She's fun and hilarious, and totally worth checking out!  Thanks, Amanda!

Celebrating Mom: Meet Tia

Since Mother's Day was yesterday, I'm going to dedicate my blog this week to some extraordinary moms I know in the blog world!  In today's society, I feel like kids, girls especially, have so much pressure to be a certain way, look a certain way, or act a certain way.  I grew up confident because of the praise I was given for the characteristics and talents I had.  My friends and I were comfortable being who we were.  We did not feel like we needed to fit into a Barbie doll mold to be beautiful.  I do my best to raise my daughters the same way.  Through blogging, I have met many mothers that feel the same way I do.  I've asked a few of them to share their words of wisdom with my readers!

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First, let's meet Tia and Ellie!

Can you tell my readers a little about yourself?

I am a 35 year old stay at home mom who is married to my high school sweetheart and best friend... I have a masters degree I have never ever used. I am an only child raising an only child. I love to read and play golf and hike and take my girl on adventures.

I want to know about your background.  How did your mother influence you?  What did she teach you that you hope to pass on to Ellie?
My mother was fantastic. She was an older mother and very comfortable in her skin. She was very active and her idea of a junk cereal was HoneyNut Cheerios. I am so lucky that she taught me the value of good nutrition and to just not care what others think. I was a worrisome kid. I worried about everything. She would always ask me, "what's the worst thing that could happen?" And then we would discuss what that was. For example, if I was nervous about a test, it would be that I would fail. Then we would talk about how I would handle that or what I could do to make sure it didn't happen.

Another great thing about her was her ability to make any situation fun. We could be a the grocery, I would be bored out of my gourd, and she would somehow make a game out of picking out which package of chicken to buy.

She died when I was 26. I never really got to know her as an adult and I miss her every single second of my life. She never got to meet Ellie. I want Ellie to always look at the bright side as my mother did, to take care of her body like my mother did, and to never be afraid to try new things, because "what's the worst that could happen?"

When you think of a beautiful woman, what images come to mind?
When I think of a beautiful woman, I see a confident, smiling, well put together person. There is nothing more beautiful than confidence.

Has Ellie had any issues with self-confidence yet?
Ellie has just started having some issues with self-confidence. She really likes to be the best at things, and now that she is in Kindy, realized that she isn't the best at some things. 

How do address those issues?
This has been a tricky road for us. We have discussions about how some kids are better shoe tiers, and some kids can ride 2 wheelers, and some kids are good skiers, and then we discuss what she does well. And we practice the things she wants to get better at. Our goals for the summer are to learn to ride a 2 wheeler, tie her shoes, and do a cartwheel. We are also really focusing on standing up for herself. This is a big one for me. I am horrible at it, and don't want the same for her. I want her to stand up for what she believes in, even if she is standing alone.

Does she ever talk about skinny/fat people; pretty/ugly people?

As far as fat/skinny, or pretty/ugly, she does not talk about or notice these things. Thank goodness. The word "fat' is not a nice word in our house, and is in the category of words that aren't naughty, but not nice to say. Other words in the category are hate, stupid, and ugly.

What sort of things do you tell Ellie to help give her a positive self-image?

I really really really try to have a positive self body image myself. Let's face it, this body has birthed a 8 pound kid, and you can tell it! But I never talk about myself being fat, or discuss the things I wish were different in front of her. I do make a point to exercise regularly and to let her know how much better I feel when I do it. She also comes with me on shorter runs or does crunches with me at home. We really focus on nutrition. Don't get me wrong, she has her fair share of sugar, but she knows it's a treat and not the norm. She also knows she feels better when she eats better.

She is a muscular little girl and she is a solid little tank! She is never going to have the little twiggy ballerina shape. I worry about this only because I know what girls like to see in themselves and I fear she will feel fat as a teenager even though she won't be. I make a point to mention that her body is beautiful and strong. That it does all the things she needs it to do. Isn't it silly that I worry about these things?? I do so want her to have a strong positive self image.

She's at a tricky age right now. She is spending the majority of time away from me for the first time and has questions about what she sees. She is becoming influenced by her friends as well. Parenting is definitely getting harder, not easier. But peer pressure works both ways. She is trying things she would never have tried before and finding out she can do things she never thought she could do. We are lucky we got her into a charter school where character development is a prime component. There is absoutely no bullying allowed, and kids are praised for nice words said, good deeds accomplished, and helpful gestures. This is instrumental in helping her bloom.

I try and build her up everyday, because sadly, there are already people ready to tear her down. I, of course, tell her she is beautiful, but I focus more of my attention on how smart she is. Cause she really is. She doubts herself though and I hate that for her.

Raising a girl is a wonderful challenge. I am very blessed. I have a good kid. She is eager to please, loves her friends, is brave, and already knows which are the right choices when it comes to nutrition, exercise, sharing, and being a good friend. It's only going to get harder. The best I can do is be her mama, love her, don't judge her, listen to her, and be with her as she navigates these tricky waters.

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Tia blogs over at My Life As I Know It.  Go visit her and read all about sweet Ellie :o)  Thanks, Tia!

Why Disney and their Princesses are now on my naughty list - UPDATED WITH LONGER VIDEO

Oh Disney... I hate to break it to you, but you've really burned a bridge with me.  I thought we were BFFs!  What you have done has not only disappointed me, but will most definitely disappoint my girls, especially Jaden.

You see, Jaden has asked Santa for a TON of princess toys for Christmas.  I had a little chat with the big guy and he tells me that she will be making out rather well.  But, after his elves had already finished their toy making, you decided to put a new commercial on TV.

UPDATE: CLICK HERE for the longer video. (Will open in new window)

(Actually, even though the new commercial is aired during every single break on Disney Junior and Nick, I can't find it online.  It shows each princess in her room, not just three of them.  Here is the shorter version.)



So, you can see why I'm stuck.  Jaden really wants this stupid castle!  It was the very first thing she asked Santa for when we visited him at the mall.  But, like I said, the elves are already done making her toys and probably already spent too much elf money as it is.  I'm pretty sure they can't afford the extra 150 elf dollars that is needed to make this castle.  How do I break it to J on Christmas morning because I'm sure she will be disappointed... Santa always leaves them a letter next to his empty cookie plate.  Should he explain his lack of a castle?  I'm pretty sure she'll notice an almost 4' tall castle is not in her house.  Thanks so much Disney.  If you would have put that commercial on in say, like maybe August, the elves would probably have taken advantage of north pole layaway and not gotten some of the other gifts.  On the other hand, should Santa pull some strings and try to get the elves to return some already made presents and try to find time to make this castle?  Time's a tickin', people!  What's a mom to do?

Mom Trumps Law

This morning on the radio, they were talking about a story coming out of Pennsylvania about a mom that was waiting at the bus stop for her child to get off the bus.  When the bus stopped, kids are yelling at her for help saying that her son wasn't waking up and wasn't moving.  From the window, she sees her son slumped over in his seat, unresponsive.  Being a registered nurse, not to mention his mother, she rushes onto the bus to help. The bus driver informs her that it is illegal for parents to go on the school bus.  Now, this woman is facing a $2500 fine and up to a year in jail.  As it turned out, her son was completely fine, just in a deep sleep.  What are you opinions on this?  Personally, I think it is absolutely ridiculous!  If kids were yelling at me that one of my girls wasn't moving and needed help, nurse or not, I am on that bus!  It is my duty as a mother to protect my children.  If I fear for their health or safety, you better believe that the law will take a back seat.  Also, shouldn't the bus driver have been more concerned with the child than keeping the mom who is a nurse off the bus?  Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't nurses and doctors required by law to help if they come upon someone in need?  What if the bus had been in a crash?  Would that mother still have been arrested if she went onto the bus to pull out the children?  Or, what if her child DID need medical help?  What if he really wasn't breathing and she did help him?  I doubt that she would have been arrested in that case.  What are your thoughts?

Baby, you're a firework!

As I'm sure most of you do, I have Monday off work for the 4th of July.  I am looking forward to hanging out with my girlies, my BFF, and her son.  Our guys are going to a party with beer and cuss words.  We have the day perfectly planned out and are heading to a cookout after the kiddos take a nap.  I'm sure it will be a great day and we will have lots of fun!  My only beef: It's a MONDAY.  Yes, we do get the day off of work, but we also have to go in the next day.  I really don't have a problem doing that, but my girls?  Yeah, they will be bears the next morning!  It is hard enough getting everyone up and out the door on time when they are in bed by 8:00.  How on earth am I supposed to wake them from their hibernation and be out the door by 6:55 in the morning if they don't even get into bed until closer to 11?  Coincidentally, my PTO days are renewed on July 1st.  Would it be horrible for me to take some time on Tuesday morning to let my kids sleep? 

This kind of falls along the same lines as the Superbowl.  There was a lot of debate on whether or not it was ok for parents to let their kids stay home from school on the Monday following the Superbowl.  In this instance, I say no.  I think it is a little different (maybe) because I don't have boys, but if I can remember correctly, my brother and I never got "personal days" when we were in school.  We were expected to go to school unless we were ill.  Oh, and I did go to work on the Monday after the Superbowl.

So, what do you think?  Are there any other moms out there that are calling in on Tuesday morning due to cranky kids?  Am I in the wrong or do you totally agree?

Dating Again...

First, I want to congratulate Jackie!  She won the Madagascar LIVE! tickets!!  I hope you and your little sis enjoy the show :o)

Back to the topic: Dating AGAIN.  No, Mike and I aren't separating... I'm talking about Mom Dating.  It's funny how when I found Mike, I was happy to not be dating anymore.  The whole scene always seemed so fake to me.  Now, almost eight years later, I find myself in a similar situation.  I have some really great girlfriends but most of them do not have kids yet.  It's hard to make time to hang out with them anymore because I have the added responsibility of finding a sitter for the girls.  Plus, if the grandmas aren't free that evening, a $20 night out turns into a $40 night out after I pay my sitter!  Then, when we do hang out, I find it hard to converse because really, if you don't have kids, you don't want to hear about Ariel, Belle, or any of the other princesses that make up 90% of my conversations at home.  This middle ground is a little weird and uncomfortable at times.  It would be great to have more girlfriends that have kids.  Then, not only can I bring my cuties with me, but I have someone that can relate to my 26 minutes of personal time a day.  I have someone else that regularly carries around fishy crackers, crayons, and wet wipes in her purse.  I have someone else that knows how good it truly feels to sit down with a glass of wine after the kids are sound asleep.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I'm a blog stalker.  I find you and I hide behind the curtains and secretly watch you until I work up enough guts to say hello.  Silly, I know but that's the way I roll.  I am currently reading a certain mom blog.  I can relate 100% to this momma.  In fact, I know her in real life and actually see her quite often.  I just can't work up the courage to "ask her out."  It is so much like dating, it's scary.  What if she doesn't like me?  What if she thinks I'm annoying?  What if she doesn't want to hang out?  What if she reads MY blog??  Our girls are a year apart and they know each other.  It would be so much fun to get together with them, let the kiddos play, and just talk to another mom.  See?  It IS like dating again... and I thought I was DONE with that!