Armageddon is close...

I'm done, you guys.  I'm giving up.  I don't know what else I can do in these TRYING TIMES!  I can NOT handle any more.  I'm serious.

I'm been slacking on blogging a bit and that is because on top of getting things ready for the Home & Garden Show, and wrapping up a few photo shoots, I am running on no sleep.  Last week (or was it the week before?), I begged for your help with my WONDERFUL three-year-old and her not-so-wonderful bedtime routine.  You guys were awesome!  I ordered the book that was recommended and tried a new approach to bedtime.  We've decided that at bedtime, Taylor is having separation anxiety.  Apparently this is very common with kids her age.  I've solved the problem by tucking her into bed, showing her where five minutes is on the clock and promising to come check on her, and then after five minutes has passed, I go to her room and sit on her floor to read my book.  Taylor knows that I will be back.  She knows that I will stay with her until she falls asleep (usually takes 5-10 minutes).  Our one rule is, she must lay down with her eyes closed or I will leave the room.  It has been working without a fault!  Yes, it may be what some would call a "bad habit" when it comes to bedtime, but I don't care.  If she needs someone in there with her, I'm all for it.  Five to ten minutes sitting on her floor, reading quietly to myself, is much more enjoyable that an hour of yelling and fighting.  I win.

There is one problem.  Taylor wakes up in the night, too.  She has been waking up and calling for me every night, usually around 2-3 a.m.  A couple of times, I've sat on her floor for a few minutes until she fell back asleep.  Some times were longer than others.  She would have a hard time falling asleep, so I would grab a pillow and blanket, and camp out in her room.  When she was softly snoring, I headed back to my bed for another hour or two of sleep.  A couple of times, I had her come to my room and sleep on the floor.  Whatever it took to get bot of us back to sleep as quickly as possible.  It sucks, I'm not gonna lie.  I have had enough of the broken nights.

BUT, waking up in the night and then going right back to sleep is WAY better than the situation we had last night.  Taylor woke up at 3 a.m.  I did as I usually do; went into her room and tried to get her to lay down.  I offered to sit on her floor... NOPE.  She would rather pout.  No big deal, right?  WRONG.  In Taylor, pouting is only a lead into a full-blown tantrum.  So I stood there.  Wait for it... wait for it... WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  There it is!  I held her and calmed her down, trying to get to the root of the problem.  Last night, it was "wonky socks."  One little twisted sock totally wrecked her universe.  I tried to fix said sock.  No go.  I tried convincing her to take the blasted sock off.  Nope.  Change socks?  Ain't happening.  After an hour, she ended up coming into our room to sleep on the floor... and toss and turn for the rest of the night because of that stupid sock... or whatever reason.  It sucked.  I'm tired.

Tantrums are the worst.  People talk about tantrums and other people are like, "yeah, that must be inconvenient."  Or, "why don't you just give her a little spanking?"  Or, "Just give her what she wants, she'll stop."  Easier said than done, people.  Taylor's tantrums have the touchiest little trigger.  ANYTHING can set her off.  There is NO off switch.  She may start a tantrum because of a wonky sock, but fixing the dumb sock will NOT end the tantrum.  Nothing... not spanking, giving in, ignoring, NOTHING stops a tantrum.

Last week, Mike's mom picked Taylor up from daycare.  For one reason or another, Taylor started in.  Karen had heard us complaining about the tantrums, but had yet to experience one.  Sure, she had seen Taylor drop to the floor and pout, but she was finally able to get the full experience.  I went to pick both girls up at Karen's house that evening after work.  I walk in and BAM.  WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  She was writhing on the floor, kicking and screaming.  From what I could get out of her, it had something to do with fishy crackers.  I had to fight to get her coat on, only to have her throw it off.  I had to fight to get her shoes on, only to have her kick them off.  I finally decided to just put her in the car sans coat and shoes.  We only live down the street from Karen's house.  It's seriously a 30-second drive.  I did my best to strap Taylor into her seat while she did her best to fight me, arching her back and kicking her legs.  In that 30-second drive, Taylor managed to slide her way out of her seat belt and climb into the front seat.  When we got out of the car, she was arching her back and sliding out of my arms, still screaming. It was NOT fun.

This has been happening daily.  Not always to that extent, but still happening.  You all helped me with my bedtime problems so I am counting on your advice with the tantrums.  I know it is just her age and that everyone goes through it.  But help me cope with getting through it because it is seriously breaking me.  I'm frustrated.  I'm tired.  I'm just done.  Help.

This Mama needs some HELP!

The number one most misunderstood thing when it comes to parenting is the Terrible Twos.  The number one most misunderstood thing when it comes to 3-year-olds is bedtime.

You see, when Mike and I were new parents, we heard talk of the Terrible Twos phase.  You know, when your child turns two years old, she would throw temper tantrums and even though it wouldn't necessarily be ok, we would deal with it because, well, it was to be expected!  Then when your child turns three years old, she would magically go back to being that angel that she was before the T2 phase!  You know what I'm talking about, right?  Well my friends, I'm here to tell you that it is all a big LIE!

The Truth About the Terrible Twos

1. The T2 phase STARTS at age two-ish and lasts for at least two years.
2. You will look back on those newborn nights when your baby cried for a bottle and then went right back to sleep and think, "It really wasn't that bad!"
3. The child will NOT win the battle.
4. The parent will NOT win the battle.
5. Threats don't work.
6. Rewards don't work.
7. Punishments don't work.
8. It is a battle... With no clear ending in sight.
9. It will stop as suddenly as it started.

We are right in the middle of the T2 phase with Miss Taylor Max.  She is stubborn, she pouts, she whines, she cries, she throws herself on the ground, she screams.  The only thing is, she only does this at bedtime!  For some reason unknown to all other humans, she hates bedtime.  Apparently she believes that bedtime is just a myth and it is something that she doesn't believe in.  She also must think that her family is pretty dumb to believe in the concept of bedtime, because she doesn't like to let anyone else in the house get a full, restful night of sleep!  

When we talk about this with other people, the first thing we are asked is, "What time does she go to bed?"  Bedtime is 7:30.  Yes, it is early, but when you are a kid and need to wake up at 6:00 in the morning, 7:30 really isn't that bad.  Actually, 7:30 is her sweet spot.  Any earlier and she isn't quite tired enough and throws a fit because she isn't tired.  Any later and she is overly tired and throws a fit... for no reason except that she is tired.  We have the best chance of going to bed good if she is in bed at exactly 7:30.  On occasion, Jaden gets to stay up until 8:00.  Mostly to let Taylor cry it out for a half-hour or so, but also because she is past the T2 phase and "gets it."  We've tried rewarding Taylor with staying up a little later and it backfires almost every single time.

Mike and I have tried it all.  We have rewarded going to bed good.  We have taken away her Dora movies, her Maxine, her blankie, her stuffed animal... it does NOT work.  We have tried letting her cry.  We have tried closing her door.  We have tried reasoning with her.  It doesn't matter.  We have asked our parents, friends with kids, and even doctors for advice.  The answer always comes down to, "It is a phase and she will grow out of it."  We know this, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Jaden went through the same thing when she was 2½-3.  She cried and screamed at bedtime.  I remember it so well because Taylor was a newborn.  Between the two of them, Mike and I were getting no sleep at all.  I also know that Jaden grew out of it eventually.  

So, Mike and I are basically at the end of our rope.  We are about to lose it.  It is the most frustrating thing in the world.  I know that it probably seems like I am making mountains out of molehills, but I'm not.  It is hard to handle.  It is hard to know what is the right thing to do.  Right now, it basically boils down to the fact that she doesn't want to be left alone.  She wants either Mike or myself to stay in her room until she falls asleep.  I don't mind doing that every so often, but I'm scared that it will develop into a habit that will cause more problems down the road.  A few times this week, I have sat on her floor next to her bed and let her hold onto my finger.  She falls asleep almost instantly.  When she is snoring, I replace my finger with Maxine's (her favorite doll) arm.  It works, but I'm afraid it is only making the whole problem worse, because eventually we will have to not do that.  Then what?

I know that every kid goes through this.  I know that we will all survive.  I also know that she was pouting and throwing a fit off and on from 11:30-2:30.  We got less than three hours of sleep last night.  Tell me what to do next because I feel like it's time to call Supernanny!

Fuzz Balls & Responsibilities

Before you have kids, you really should be tested and questioned.  There should be a test where you are left to survive on little or no sleep, thrown in a room with about 27 puppies, and expected to make them all sit in a straight line for 4 seconds, all while not raising your voice or losing your temper.  If you pass, you are deemed fit to care for a human life.  If you fail, well, you get to take one of the 27 puppies home to practice. I surely would have failed.  There are some days when I think to myself, "What on earth am I doing??"  Then, there are other days that I step outside of myself and look at my life.  I'm proud of my kiddos and the way they behave.  I credit all of those days to a bag of fuzz balls and a ball mason jar.  Not joking.

My girls have responsibility charts.  I feel that they need to learn that they can not always get everything they want, whenever they want.  I feel that it is my responsibility to teach them that they need to work hard for rewards in life... such as ice cream and chocolate.

Every Sunday, the girls and I sit down and decide which responsibilities they want to work hard on that week.  If during the previous week they weren't 100% successful in a certain area, they need to keep that responsibility on their chart.  Some examples of responsibilities that they have to choose from are, Keep Your Hands to Yourself, Show Respect, Get Dressed, No Whining, Take Care of the Pet, Get Ready for Bed, Say Please and Thank You, etc.  There are also two blank spaces that I can write whatever I feel they need to work on, such as, No Tattling and Go Potty.

When we've decided which responsibilities make the chart for the week, the girls hang them on their walls.

Each night, right before they get into bed, the girls get to put their magnets on for the day.

Just to clarify, I know that my kids are only 2 and 4 years old.  I understand that they sometimes forget things.  Because of this, we have the three strike rule.  Let's say, for example, Jaden has No Whining on her chart.  She could be having a bad day and is whining a lot.  I will give her strike one and remind her that No Whining is on her chart.  Later on, if Jaden is still whiny, I will remind her about the chart and give her strike two.  If she continues to whine, she gets strike three and no magnet for that responsibility.

If in one day, the girls fill up their chart and get a magnet for all seven responsibilities, they get to put a fuzz ball in the jar.  If, like in the example above, they miss a magnet, they get no fuzz ball.

Before the first fuzz ball even lands in the jar, we decide what the reward will be once it is full.  For this jar, the girls decided that they were working toward a trip to YoYo for ice cream (frozen yogurt)!  Once the jar is so full that the fuzz ball pop out, they get their reward!

It takes a few weeks to a month before the jar is filled up.  As mini rewards in between, the girls start the week off with $1.  For every empty space on their chart at the end of the week, they lose a nickle.  This has been a great system and has worked well for us.  The girls know their responsibilities and know what the rewards and consequences are.  What I like most about the charts we have is that the responsibilities have a picture beside them.  The girls know what each of them means, even though they can't yet read.  It's great!  Another plus is the magnets.  Before, we were constantly having to print another chart and buy more stickers.  These are reusable from week to week.  Also, the goals are short-term so the girls are able to get more rewards, resulting in them working harder to earn said rewards!  We love it :o)