30 Things: 3 Fears

2. Describe 3 fears, and how they became fears.

This little guy isn't so scary!

This is a tough one. I only really have one fear: DYING.  Ugh... I get chills just thinking about it.  I fear not ever seeing my family again. I fear missing out on the girls' futures. I fear what will happen to my body when I die.  As crazy as it sounds, I can't decide if I want to be buried or cremated because I'm afraid of dark, enclosed spaces, and I'm afraid of fire.  I know, I know... I won't be alive so why does it matter?  I don't know!  That is why it scares me!  I'm changing the subject because I feel like I might vomit if I think about this any more.

Other things I'm scared of, in no particular order, are:

• Spiders
• Snakes
• Flying
• Dark, enclosed spaces
• Fire (not like a bonfire, more like a house fire)
• Drowning
• Oceans
• Tornadoes
• Driving on the highway
• Pretty much anything that could cause my DEATH.

I'm not really sure why these things became fears... Maybe just common sense?  I do know that in the same year, I saw the movie Titanic and also a National Geographic documentary about seals, and the image of them eating penguins has stuck with me.  Since that year (1998 maybe?), I'm scared of the ocean, BUT Titanic is totally my favorite movie!

So, I guess if I'm following the rules of this post, I would have to say that my top three fears are:

1. Death
2. Burning alive
3. Sinking on the Titanic

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Stay tuned for 3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

I was...

I was three hours away from my family, going to college at Purdue University.  I had woken up that morning to get ready to go to class.  As usual, I immediately got online to chat with my buddies.  I started to see the away messages, "Pray for those in New York."  "I can't believe it."  "My thoughts and prayers go out to those in NY."  I had no idea.  I IM'd one of my girlfriends, asking her what all of the talk about NY was.  She told me to turn on the TV.  I remember asking her what channel, to which she replied, "It doesn't matter."

My roommate was still asleep.  I remember her waking up mad because I had the TV on so early.  We both sat there, on the bottom bunk of our beds, watching the events unfold.  I remember when the second tower was hit.  I remember it all like it was yesterday.

I didn't go to class that day.  Instead, I called home.  I wasn't sure what to think.  I was only in middle school when terrorists bombed Oklahoma City.  I was in third grade during Desert Storm.  This kind of thing was not familiar to me.  I live in the U.S.  I don't know war and terrorism.  That happens other places; not here.  I began to question everything.  Was I safe with the people I surrounded myself with on a daily basis?  How could our country let this happen?  How could a God that so many people believed in let such a horrible thing happen?  What do we do next?

I remember wanting to go home.  I don't know why I did, just that I did.  I remember Mom telling me to wait and see what was going to happen.  Eventually, I decided to go home.  Having a three hour drive ahead of me, I needed to get gas.  I remember waiting almost two hours in line to get gas because everyone wanted to go home.

That is all I remember about that day.  The fear.  The questions.  The need.

Eventually we started to move on.  Classes resumed.  There were rumors of one of the terrorists having learned to fly at Purdue.  Unfortunately, students took out their rage on the Islamic center on campus.  You didn't want to walk by that building; not because you were scared of the students there, but because you didn't want to be associated with those outside of the building.

If you recall, airways were shut down for so long.  Living on a campus with an aviation school, we were used to the constant sound of airplanes overhead.  We didn't hear planes for so long.  I had friends from California, New Mexico, Texas, Florida.  They were scared, not knowing when they would be able to fly home.  I can not remember the date, but I went to a memorial at Purdue.  I remember the exact moment when we walked out of the building and heard a plane overhead.  The entire campus got quiet, stopped, and looked up.  What was once a familiar sight, was now a reminder of what had happened.

I was a kid on September 11, 2001.  I was only 19 years old.  All I knew was that I wanted to get home to my Mom and Dad.

Ten years later.

Has it really been ten years?

As I sat and watched the reports on the anniversary of 9/11 today, my girls played around me.  Taylor just wanted to get on the bed and jump on me.  She wanted me to tickle her and play with her.  Jaden hears her laughing and rushes in, hoping not to miss out on all the fun.  They have no clue.  Someday they will learn about 9/11 and will ask Mike and me questions.  They will ask why it happened and honestly, I don't know that I'll be able to give them an answer.  I don't know that anyone will ever be able to answer that question.  I played with my kids today.  I knew I wanted to get this post written so I would have a memory of this day, but I thought of the families that were broken apart because of 9/11.  I thought of the kids that are growing up, never getting the chance to meet their fathers because they were killed on 9/11.  I played with my girls, but I did not forget the importance of the day because I do care.  I care about a future with my family.  I care about the people that ran into the terror to try to help.  I care about the people that ran away from the towers and survived.  I care about the people that serve our country and prevent another 9/11.  I don't "pretend to care."  I genuinely care.

I will never forget.

Disgusting.

You know how it is when you are in middle school and the teacher has a strict NO PASSING NOTES policy but because you are in middle school, you 1) Do the opposite of what the teacher says, and 2) Must pass notes because you absolutely HAVE to tell your BFF that your crush might have looked your way that morning (OMG!)?  Well, that's kind of how blogging has been for me this week.  I have so much other stuff going on and am really trying to squeeze it in when the teacher isn't looking...

I was called for jury duty on Tuesday.  Unlike most people, I was pretty excited!  I had never been called for duty before and was interested in everything about it.  I've watched enough Law & Order and have read enough Jodi Picoult to understand that sometimes people are wrongly convicted.  I was excited for the decision to potentially be in my hands!  I was going to go in with a clear mind and hear both sides of the story and no matter what, I would decide if the defendant was guilty or not guilty based solely on the facts...

...Until I saw that man and I heard the charges that were brought against him.  I walked into the courtroom with about 50 other potential jurors and sat while the judge read that this 45-year-old man was charged with three Class A felony charges of child molesting and a single Class C felony charge of child molesting. He was arrested on the charges in November.  While the charges were being read (in much more detail than you read in the papers, mind you), I watched that man.  I watched his face and I watched his reactions to the charges.  Before even knowing whether or not I was going to be on that jury, I knew in my heart that the man before me was guilty.  I listened as the judge and both attorneys questioned my peers.  I was never questioned.  I was not chosen to be a juror.  I was dismissed.  As I was walking out of the courtroom, I saw the now 13-year-old girl that suffered the abuse.  I was grateful to not have had to hear that sick man lie on the stand.  I was grateful to not have to witness the girl break down as she recalled what he did to her.  Later that day, that is what happened.  It makes me sick to think of grown adults taking the innocence away from a child.  A little girl.  Somebody's daughter.  I could not stop thinking about it.  I only hoped that the panel of jurors saw the obvious and convicted that man.  Turns out, they did.  He will go to prison and he will get everything he deserves for what he did to that CHILD.  Thank you, jury.

You are NOT a mother...

I am so tired of hearing these sick stories of people that are abusing and neglecting their own children! Here are a couple of recent news stories that have happened in Fort Wayne (names and addresses have been omitted).

Published: March 22, 2011 3:00 a.m.

5 home-alone children found near rat poison
The Journal Gazette

Five young children were left alone for more than two hours inside a south-side home with an open container of rat poison within their reach early Sunday, court documents show.

Fort Wayne police found five children ages 3 to 9 unsupervised Sunday in a home in the ### block of [street name]. Four of the children lived at the home with their mother, [mother], and the fifth was left in her care.

[Mother] was arrested on an initial charges of public intoxication and five counts of neglect of a dependent.

Fort Wayne police responded at 3:20 a.m. on a report of a burglary alarm. A 9-year-old boy living at the home said the alarm was sounding, according to court documents.

The boy told police his mother left two hours earlier and didn’t know where she went, court documents said.

Police said the home was filthy, an iron was found plugged in and set to high heat, an empty .45-caliber handgun case was on the dining room table and an open container of rat poison was found within reach of the children, court documents said.

[Mother], 28, called home about 45 minutes after police arrived and told them she was out back having a cigarette and her alarm went off, court documents said.

When [mother] returned home, police said they could smell alcohol on her breath.

[Mother] was booked into Allen County Lockup at 4:20 a.m. and was later released on $12,500 bail.

She left an iron on, a gun on the table, and an open container of rat poison within reach of the children?!  She obviously wanted her children to "accidentally" hurt themselves.  I am wondering what it was that pushed her over the edge.  What could have been SO bad to do this to children??


Published: April 13, 2011 3:00 a.m.

Mom hurt baby girl, 6-year-old tells court
Rebecca S. Green

With his head about a foot above the wall of the witness chair, [son], who had just turned 6, testified he saw his mother punch his infant sister in the stomach.

The little boy’s testimony came at the end of the first day of testimony Tuesday in the Allen County Superior Court trial of [mother], 26.

Johnson is charged with battery causing death of a child, neglect of a dependent causing death and neglect of a dependent resulting in serious bodily injury.

She was arrested late in the day on Dec. 9, hours after she took the lifeless body of 4-week-old [daughter] from the [name] home in the #### block of [street name] to the home of friends [friend] and [friend], who lived in an apartment on [street], more than three miles away.

Along with the infant, [mother] had her three other small children in the car and told [friend] she thought the baby was dead.

[Daughter] was dead, having suffered a fractured skull and bleeding on her brain. The Allen County Coroner’s Office later ruled her death a homicide.

According to court documents, [daughter] had obvious injuries to her face and chest area, including burns in different stages of healing.

An unidentified substance was found in her stomach during the autopsy and the pathologist believed the burn to the chest appeared to have come at a different time as the facial burn.

[Mother]’s friend [friend] wiped tears from her eyes as she described how [mother] did not want [daughter], the youngest of her four children, either before the baby’s death or afterward.

[Friend] said [mother] seemed to have an “attitude” about how she felt about the baby, telling everyone she only had three children though she obviously had four.

“I told her she needed to accept her daughter,” [friend] said. “I don’t think she had any attachment to the baby at all.”

At one point [friend] saw an obvious black eye on [daughter], who also seemed to have bubbly saliva. The baby’s condition was so striking [friend] took a picture of her with a cellphone camera.

The picture clearly shows a black and blue left eye and the infant’s lips coated with saliva.

“I don’t know, I just had an instinct something might happen,” [friend] said of her decision to take the picture during cross-examination.

When [friend] asked [mother] about [daughter]'s black eye, [mother] told her the other children had hit her.

But when [son] took the stand Tuesday afternoon, he put the blame on his mother.

In his small-child’s voice, he told the court he once saw [mother] twist the baby’s legs and tell [daughter] she was ugly.

[Son] said the baby slept in his room – sometimes in a car seat – and other times sleeping in the bed with [mother].

During cross-examination, [son] said he told [mother] to stop when he saw her punch the infant and “bend her legs.”

Throughout much of the day, [mother] sat calmly, but was obviously saddened, occasionally wiping tears away from her eyes and clutching a tissue in her hand.

The trial is scheduled to continue through Thursday.

How sick is this?!  I can not believe that somebody could do such horrible things to a child... an infant... HER OWN daughter!

Sorry for such a downer post today but I just wanted to share these stories.  In the second one, the friend admitted that she thought something was up and even took a picture!  She might have been able to save that poor baby if she would have went to the police.  It's just so sad.

12-21-12

Does this date have any meaning to you?  I had no idea there was any significance to this date at all until last night.  Mike and I were downstairs and he casually brings up "2012."  In response to the blank stare on my face, he started to question whether I even knew what he was talking about... um, nope.  So, he kindly began to explain to me how the Mayans stopped the calendar on December 21, 2012... blah, blah, blah... the sun is going to throw these freaky death flares that will creep into our atmosphere through some hole in the Earth's magnetic field and knock out the entire power grid for the whole world for like four to six years... or something like that (or maybe not even close... that is what I heard).  There are these hidden bunkers that the government is building that are ten stories tall under the airport in Denver, and unless you have a bazillion dollars or work for the government, you will be screwed.  I told him I didn't believe in that stuff and I choose not to even think about it.  But the funny thing about how the mind works, you can't really choose what you don't want to think about.  In fact, not wanting to think about it makes it the only thing you can think about.  After he said that our family would die of starvation in two years, I started to think about nothing BUT that.  I was watching Modern Family (and especially loved the half-episode at the end with Phil and his sweatshirt because it just so happened that I was wearing this in sashimi... nice, I know) and in my head, I was calculating how many cans of green beans I needed to buy to prepare ourselves for a six-year power outage.  In case you are wondering, it is about 8,000.  Stupid, stupid sun flares.  Thanks, Mike.  Thank you for filling my brain with useless worrying.  grr...

So, what are your thoughts??  Watch Jesse Ventura explain it all...

WHAT?!?! I'm scared and super sad!! THIS IS MUY IMPORTANTE!!

Breathe, Shannon.  Take deep breaths... in... out... in... out... Ok, I think I'm ok now.  But you people need to be warned!

I tried to get a post ready for next week and began uploading pictures only to get this message:

Whoops! You're out of space. Purchase more storage.



Photos are stored in your Picasa Web Albums account and are included in your 1 GB free quota for photos. Additional storage you purchase is shared between Gmail, Picasa Web Albums, and Google Docs, and is in addition to your free quota. Learn more
 
Yes! I do want to learn more!  This can't be happening!  Oh no...
 
Google Storage: How it works
 
Google offers a way to purchase more storage space when you run out of free storage space in Gmail, Google Docs, Picasa Web Albums, Blogger (for photos), and Google Buzz (for photos). You can check your current storage usage or purchase additional storage at any time.


Note: Google storage isn't available for Google Apps.


Free storage
Free storage space is specific to each product. Picasa Web Albums offers 1 GB of storage for photos and videos only. Gmail provides 7+ GB (and counting) which is reserved just for Gmail messages. Docs gives you 1 GB for your uploaded files (documents created in Google Docs and converted files don't count towards your storage, but do have some size limitations). Free storage from one product cannot be used by or transferred to another product.


All photos posted to both Google Buzz and Blogger are included in the 1 GB of free storage allotted to Picasa Web Albums.


Paid Storage
When you run out of free storage for any product, you can purchase additional storage that is shared between products. This shared storage can be used for Picasa Web Albums uploads (Google Buzz and Blogger as well), Gmail messages, Docs uploads or a mix of all three - it will be used by any product that's over its free storage quota on a first-come, first-served basis. Choose from the following storage plans:


20 GB - $5/yr
80 GB - $20/yr
200 GB - $50/yr
400 GB - $100/yr
1 TB - $256/yr
2 TB - $512/yr
4 TB - $1024/yr
8 TB - $2048/yr
16 TB - $4096/yr


Please note that:
1 TB equals 1024 GB.


These prices don't include any applicable taxes or fees associated with your country of residence.


Google storage purchases are non-refundable. You can upgrade storage plans for the pro-rated difference at any time. The Google storage you purchase is yours for the full year, at which time the plan will auto-renew based on your preference. Paid storage for one Google Account cannot be transferred to a different account. Learn more about Google storage refunds, renewals and cancellations.


It's normal to experience a delay of up to 24 hours before purchased storage is added to your account. See our storage troubleshooting steps for more information.


On November 10, 2009, Google made changes to both the storage tiers and pricing we offer. If you purchased storage under the previous storage plan, learn more about what this means for you.


Well, I guess this isn't so bad... Time to fork over some cash because you guys need me and my photos, right?  Is this a tax write-off???

Go here: https://www.google.com/accounts/PurchaseStorage to purchase additional storage.  I guess this means I'm a super cool blogger now, doesn't it?

And once again, everything is right with the world :o)