Thursday, February 3, 2011

If you love me, you will give me the answers I need!

I'm about to drop kick Jaden.  Seriously, that girl has a serious attitude problem sometimes!  We are trying EVERYTHING we can think of to curb it, but nothing works.  Nothing.  She gets snotty with us and talks back.  She doesn't listen.  She tells us she wants us to be angry.  She doesn't listen.  Her mood flips like a light switch.  She doesn't listen.  She yells.  Have I mentioned she doesn't listen?  Seriously, we talk to her and try to reason with her and tell her why we are mad and what she did wrong.  She doesn't even HEAR us!  We are trying a reward chart.  There are six different things she has to work on.  For example, one of her "activities" is to help set and clear off the table.  She is really good at this one!  She already has the seven stickers she needs and still continues to do it!  I love it.  BUT, two of the things on her list have very few stickers: Wake Up Happy and Get Ready For Bed Good.  This morning, she woke up happy and smiling but after about 10-15 minutes, she was stand off-ish and throwing an attitude at me, thus resulting in no sticker.  I'm lost.  We don't spank.  I don't see the point in it, so don't suggest that.  I doubt there will ever be anything that my kids do that will make me hit them.  We've started taking away privileges.  That works when the situation is already out of control.  I want to know how to prevent it.  Any suggestions?  Ugh...

8 comments:

Abbey said...

We're big fans of 'rewarding good behavior immediately'...aka, bribery. It works great with Ella.

Have you read Parenting with Love and Logic? It's a fantastic read, and if Jaden's has a logical mind, it might appeal to her.

I'm with you...I'll never hit my kids. Not happening.

Good luck!!!

Dollface said...

Well im not a mommy, but... is there a way to just ask her what she wants? I know it sounds silly... but maybe being more direct? Im sure she will still be stubborn, but maybe there is a way to distract her... I hope it works!!!! xxxoo

Kelly said...

OH Shannon... I'm going to email you on this one.

Jill of all Trades said...

Stumbled upon your blog. I think the key is when you said, "she tells us she *wants* to be angry".

And you realize that two of the things on the reward chart involve regulating how she *feels*. Would you get upset if someone else told you that you MUST feel a certain way at a certain time?

Or perhaps she yells and 'wants' to be mad because she can see it gets a rise out of you? Next time she wants to be mad, shrug you shoulders and say, "Ok. You can be mad". Keep being non-chalant about it and I bet being mad won't be so much fun once she doesn't get a reaction. A reward for good behavior is nice - but don't forget, kids like attention period - even if it's the negative attention they get when they act up. Good luck!

Shannon said...

Thanks for the advice, ladies! Just to clarify, we do allow her to be angry. We do not give in to her tantrums. I go with the approach of getting down at her level and trying to talk to her. Jaden is a good kid. She is polite and caring. She is like any normal 3-year-old girl. She has her fits. Sometimes I feel like yelling and crying and throwing my hands in the air but, my adult filter kicks in and I realize that such behavior would be totally rediculous and uncalled for. I love my girls more than life and want them to grow up to be independent women. Sometimes tantrums get the best of us all! Thanks for your words of wisdom :o) I always like to hear what works best for everyone else.

SpontaneousMom said...

We have an "area" for bad moods. For example if you want to be in a bad mood fine- but not in the kitchen- because in the kitchen everyone is happy. So if one of the kids wants to be mad- then they can go to that in thier room- BUT- while they are thinking about why they are mad- or what's bothering them. There is no playing, no TV, video games, etc.. They can journal- or call us in the room to talk. But once they come back to the kitchen- they have to come back with a different attitude- if they want to talk about it we will- but really when they come back in we pretend nothing happened and move on with our day.
I haven't had to do this in quite a while- since our older kids are 10 & 12- but it makes me think about what to look forward to with our youngest ;)
For the older ones- you really have to get 'em where it hurts- OMG no cell phone? no video games? the world must be over! LOL! But in our house those are privaledges and those are rewards for good behavior- not entitlement.

Kristen said...

girl I wish I could give you the best piece of advice ever, but sadly I can't. I remember always hearing about the terrible 2's, but no one ever mentioned that every year after that continues to get even worse. I think it finally stopped once Logan reached 5. I'm with you, I don't believe in spanking... all you're doing is teaching them to hit. At one point with Logan we had to take all things fun out of his room, he had just his bed and a dresser. He could gradually earn things back but as soon as he'd throw his fit we'd take it away again. I'm not sure if it actually helped, but eventually he did get his things back in his room! lol Good luck girl, hang in there, put yourself in time out when you need a break, and an occasional glass of wine will help! :-)

Bethany@ImperfectMom said...

Ah, girls and drama! I have a 10 year old who changes moods like other people change socks. No advice, sorry-I probably wouldn't earn any Wake Up Happy stickers, either.